Theres a dog shaped vacuum in my heart which refuses to fill..
When I got Pasha, it was the biggest change in my life until then. It was so huge, the change, that I wanted to write about the experience which I can boast of and share with the world! Not a single word came on paper. That little bastard used to take all of my time and mindspace with his flurry of activities, extreme cuteness and BIG round brown eyes. SO many experiences, I thought I'll atleast one everyday like in the movie Marley and Me. In all these years, I wrote nothing until only one article - a few months back- which was mostly inspired from random places.
I would want to write about how he looks at me sometimes with the wisdom that will challenge my ancestors, sometimes with so much heartmelting trust that its impossible to do anything but cuddle, sometimes with mischief worthy of devilish kids.. And so my time and his time went hand in hand until now - when he's not around.
Now I have all the time...Time to write, to go to that dance class, to work in office forever, to watch late night movies, to roam around without thinking of home. Except that I dont want to do any of that any more. .. I just want to go home to my dog whom I gave up because I didnt think I was doing him justice of a good life. Because he'd stay alone at home for countless hours, no one to play with, and us being around only for the weekend and that too not full. Because I 'think' that we 'might' leave the country in near future and Pasha wouldnt have a good home 'then' because we'd have to keep him in hurry with my relatives or aquaintances who dont know much about dog care..
Here are the reasons why the new home is better than mine:
1. Franz is more obsessed by dogs and equally loving as I am. (which is almost impossible to find)
2. Pasha doesnt have to stay long hours alone like he did when we'd go out working. He loves company and hes getting loads there.
3. He gets company of other dogs there and also a wife :)
4. Hes really happy in the new home, as he eats well and plays too..
So when I think about him I know Ive done the right thing but for me it feels like Ive just lost MY baby and best friend bundled in one.. Or an emotion close to that.Does knowing that its for the better of loved ones make the hurt go away ? I hope so. Im trying.
The only thing is I dont regret anything about him..I dont regret because as long as he was with me, I gave him all the love, attention and care I could and more. And even now, I know inspite of all the pain - that I did him good.
You're always going to outlive your pet, thats a decided fact. Trust me that this no-regrets feeling is the only saviour !! and this can come only from within.
Love your pet, take care of it and be with him/her as long as they are with you.. Because one day they wont be around and you might feel guilty along with being sad and alone thinking you didnt return enough of the undying unconditional love they showered you with. I can still go play with him.. Others might not be so lucky..
So please !! Act responsible and of course.. there's no ration on love !
P.s. Post your queries to me in case you have any concerns with your pets travelling/lodging and boarding/vets/training etc and Ill help you with the contacts I have.. If you feel you're not able to cope up with your pet, please contact me. I'll be happy to help!
Epilogue:
Pasha's new home :) .. (the black and white, shamelessly happy dog is Pasha :p )
When I got Pasha, it was the biggest change in my life until then. It was so huge, the change, that I wanted to write about the experience which I can boast of and share with the world! Not a single word came on paper. That little bastard used to take all of my time and mindspace with his flurry of activities, extreme cuteness and BIG round brown eyes. SO many experiences, I thought I'll atleast one everyday like in the movie Marley and Me. In all these years, I wrote nothing until only one article - a few months back- which was mostly inspired from random places.
I would want to write about how he looks at me sometimes with the wisdom that will challenge my ancestors, sometimes with so much heartmelting trust that its impossible to do anything but cuddle, sometimes with mischief worthy of devilish kids.. And so my time and his time went hand in hand until now - when he's not around.
Now I have all the time...Time to write, to go to that dance class, to work in office forever, to watch late night movies, to roam around without thinking of home. Except that I dont want to do any of that any more. .. I just want to go home to my dog whom I gave up because I didnt think I was doing him justice of a good life. Because he'd stay alone at home for countless hours, no one to play with, and us being around only for the weekend and that too not full. Because I 'think' that we 'might' leave the country in near future and Pasha wouldnt have a good home 'then' because we'd have to keep him in hurry with my relatives or aquaintances who dont know much about dog care..
Here are the reasons why the new home is better than mine:
1. Franz is more obsessed by dogs and equally loving as I am. (which is almost impossible to find)
2. Pasha doesnt have to stay long hours alone like he did when we'd go out working. He loves company and hes getting loads there.
3. He gets company of other dogs there and also a wife :)
4. Hes really happy in the new home, as he eats well and plays too..
So when I think about him I know Ive done the right thing but for me it feels like Ive just lost MY baby and best friend bundled in one.. Or an emotion close to that.Does knowing that its for the better of loved ones make the hurt go away ? I hope so. Im trying.
The only thing is I dont regret anything about him..I dont regret because as long as he was with me, I gave him all the love, attention and care I could and more. And even now, I know inspite of all the pain - that I did him good.
You're always going to outlive your pet, thats a decided fact. Trust me that this no-regrets feeling is the only saviour !! and this can come only from within.
Love your pet, take care of it and be with him/her as long as they are with you.. Because one day they wont be around and you might feel guilty along with being sad and alone thinking you didnt return enough of the undying unconditional love they showered you with. I can still go play with him.. Others might not be so lucky..
So please !! Act responsible and of course.. there's no ration on love !
P.s. Post your queries to me in case you have any concerns with your pets travelling/lodging and boarding/vets/training etc and Ill help you with the contacts I have.. If you feel you're not able to cope up with your pet, please contact me. I'll be happy to help!
Epilogue:
Pasha's new home :) .. (the black and white, shamelessly happy dog is Pasha :p )
2 comments:
LUCKY DOG! And it's quite obvious from reading ur post that Pasha is Looking "shamelessly happy" ONLY Because you clearly made sure he never learnt the meaning & feeling of sadness!
OH Dear!..You took a real brave step...which i probably could not have taken...m real happy to be friends with a person, such loving and caring to dear innocent ones,as you ...M sure this is the best decision for the naughty one.. only thing i regret is that i couldn't meet him..
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